Remembering Carleen

I’m having a bit of a rough start to the week, having just made it for the first time through the complete weekly cycle of courses I teach this term. And yesterday, it was just making it by the skin of my teeth – not the most satisfying feeling. I won’t go into details, but suffice it to say that technology is great when it works, but know what you are getting into when you depend on it for what you are doing…

I got home from work at about 9:30 last night, and was in bed by 10:15, plain exhausted. Even after sleeping in until 8:00, I had a hard time getting up and going. I even brought my bike out of the garage and then put it back in, rationalizing that I need to do some grocery shopping after work today, so I might as well take the car.

So, here comes the point of the post…I mentioned this to a co-worker who is on the clerical support staff, who suggested that the change in routine at the beginning of the term might be a factor. (She’s on about the same schedule all year, so doesn’t have the big changes we faculty do.) As soon as K. said this, I thought of Carleen, one of our sisters who died a number of years ago quite suddenly. She was my spiritual director at the time of her death, and I still miss her terribly. What I remembered in that moment with K. was a playful remark, “I don’t do transition!”, that Carleen imagined God saying at these times of change. Of course, she never meant, nor do I believe that God is absent in times of transition. Just that we sometimes are inexplicably unable to sense God’s presence at these times.

Anyway, I’m grateful that Carleen came to mind today, even if it was an acknowledgment of stress that made it possible. And so I return to getting my preparations for my next round of class sessions on track…

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