There are all kinds of images floating aroung in my mind as I reflect on the beginning of this liturgical season. So I ask myself what the are kernels of deeper truth that God is offering to me? Better yet, instead of asking myself, I find myself asking Sophia-Wisdom to be my spirit-guide these days.
It seems to me that Lent is not so much about the outside manifestations of a “stepped-up” program of almsgiving, fasting and prayer, but what happens on the inside. To really journey with Jesus these 40 days in “the desert” means taking enough alone time to really take a look at the stories about my life that I dare not speak. How can I “come back to God” if I cannot bear to look at how I have strayed?
Another image that comes to mind is that of Jacob in the mighty struggle with the angel, and coming out of the struggle with a limp, but grateful to have seen God face to face and still survive. It’s good to remember that Jacob stayed in the struggle long enough to receive a blessing from the angel.
It’s hard for me to know at this point how much of a struggle this Lent will be for me. Given the pressures of prepping the three new courses, I fear that I will have a tendency to grit my teeth and just keep pushing through the days, pushing aside opportunities to allow myself the moments of vulnerability that open me to deeper relationship with God.
Hmmm…could it be that trust is a theme for me to look at these days?