Well, Lent ends today, and I find myself looking back over the last several weeks, taking stock of how attentive I was to Jesus’ invitation to follow Him more closely. Part of me wants to beat up on myself because frankly, my anxiety levels with work this semester prevented me from really taking the time I wanted to spend in prayer.
On the other hand, I’ve learned that for me, it is not all that much of a virtue to dwell on how I’ve failed, but rather to reflect in gratitude on the graces I’ve done nothing to earn, but nonetheless I trust are at work at a place within myself that is not altogether conscious to me.
It is difficult for a person like myself who loves to write to be at such a loss to articulate what God is doing in me these days. It is times like these whan I need other people to help me see that there are graces that are bearing fruit in my life. When I was meeting with my spiritual director last week, she remarked that she sensed an openness and freedom in me that allows others room to be who they are, whether or not we agree on things. When she told me that, it seemed to be true to me, but I wondered, “Now how did THAT happen?” In the midst of all my running in circles trying to prep 3 new courses, I can lose sight of the moments when I do tend to my interior life.
So as I move into the great celebration of the Triduum, I must continue to trust that God is busy doing in me what I cannot do for myself. Can I just be satisfied that humility is not such a poor stance to take when entering into this mystery of the Christian faith?