I find it amazing indeed how willing God is to show up.
I’ve been in a bit of a funk lately, a combination of things, I guess… work stress and the anxiety that goes with that. I’d been experiencing a dryness in my prayer – the image I was having of my prayer was one of slogging through the mud. One of the graces I was praying for as part of the communal experience of the Spiritual Exercises last week was to experience in the depths of my heart God’s love for me. I found myself remembering with gratitude times when I have had that palpable sense of the enormity of that love, since it really didn’t seem to be happening for me.
Well on Sunday, I was feeling a little down after going through all that frustration with things not working on various computers, so I decided to reach out and call a friend to vent a little. In the course of our conversation, I came to an awareness that I was feeling lonely, and when I acknowledged that out loud to M., I felt a small interior shift in myself. It was as if simply acknowledging the loneliness to myself and another human being brought me to a more authentic stance before God.
So when I then prayed with the story of the prodigal son, this time I was really open to an experience of God coming running to me, and holding me and kissing me tenderly and bringing me home. So just that small shift allowed the grace I was praying for to happen, and I wasn’t even praying specifically for it when it came. Amazing grace indeed!
Of course, the work stress still continues, and some related anxiety sometimes grips me, so I may have to get a little more support to get back on an even keel.
One good thing is that I won’t have to find the time to get a haircut for a good long time…I goofed in telling the stylist what clipper attachment to use on Tuesday, and the result was quite a bit more dramatic than the slightly “spiky” look I was going for. Oh, well, it will give the nuns back at the mothership something to talk about this weekend… I’m still a little too sensitive about it to go ahead and post a photo here, but maybe I’ll be over that shortly. It actually doesn’t look bad, in my opinion, but it sure is different!